National Amuser – Fast Reads

People-n-Pet Chip Implants

In size, microchip implants are like grains of brown rice, the more nutritious type. Implants are an identification circuit conveniently placed under the skin. New chips, like two-ray radios, send and receive signals. Demand for them is expected to be really big. Read Microchips

Now, chips are easier to program than ever before. From desktops, scanners and phone apps, send commands to chip receivers. Some models dispense medicine, while others modify behavior to impart electrical shocks, like an invisible fence.

To get under our skin, tech giants team up with veterinarians. To hasten (speed up) widespread adoption of implants for humans, as well as pets, vets are now able to inject them into humans. $50 gift cards may entice chip takers.

"It’s painless. We swab numbing gel (lidocaine) on you and an implant is popped in easy peasy," said Ron Keen laughing. Mr. Keen trains vets on "multi-purpose" chip implants and added, "It’s an upgrade from old RFID chips."

"When at a vet for pets, it’s a good time to think for yourself about an implant for you. Repeat conditioning makes animals docile for masters," suggested Ron.

Fur is flying among wacky protesters with megaphones outside a box store that offers pet and people implants. "Reject the chip. It’s a soul trap device," went the loud chants of Harry Burr, who denounces implants.

Chippers do not worry over protests. "It boosts business. Folks see sense in getting chipped. It opens bank accounts, doors and more," said a store manager who did not give a name.

Opponents imagine and claim evil chips put a leash on souls to force reincarnation, deny nirvana and other awful outcomes. They feel if you do not learn history and how to think, tyrannical masters can take total control or worse. ◆ Click to Close

Cannabis Usage Skyrockets

Cannabis use in Oregon is on the rise say experts at the Fads Addiction Counseling Treatment Service ("FACTS"). Higher statistics began in 1973, when Oregon eased criminal penalties. See More - Skyrockets

Government leaders took bribes from liberated hippies to change things big time, say pundits. Formerly known as marijuana, cannabis was also commonly referred to as "pot," and it was sold in "lids," that being, about an ounce.

Folks disagree on how the old words (pot and lids) for cannabis came to exist. The big stink and noise about the best slang names for cannabis types (indica & sativa), and whether you buy it in grams, ounces, or "lids" is a matter of fad and preference.

"I think it was because folks cooked it a lot. They needed pot and lids," said Darius Tosh, a part-time chef. "It makes the most sense to me," he added. Meanwhile, debate continues on a name for pot that sticks.

Statistics from the 1970s show that people smoked way less cannabis than currently. Back then folks often smoked when looking forward to a little afternoon delight (conjugal relations). FACTS monitors consumption purposes.

It (FACTS) releases a yearly report April 20th and recent trends show how more folks now use cannabis alone (and not for conjugal relations). Statistics on the high lonely number is one solo skyrocket in flight. ● Click to Close

You may.. find likable satire.

Bigfoot — Uptick in Sightings

More Bigfoot sightings in Oregon are being reported. The uptick in numbers is a response to more folks out alone with data service on forest trails, getting out of towns. Statistics suggest individuals see things. Read More - Bigfoot Uptick

Polls taken at hiking path trailheads reveal a growing “sole walk” trend, where a person visits the woods to avoid crowds and gets some fresh air. Often, they are breaking in new boots and sandals. Walks alone in nature can reduce stress say experts.

“It is no wonder that with smart phones off that one sees unfamiliar stuff out on the trails,” explains Eve Higgins, an Oregon guide specializing in hunts for Bigfoot and hidden caves. “The locals are used to it so they don’t report sightings as much as do visitors,” Eve offered while biting into a fresh Oregon apple. ▪ Click to Close

Face Bigfoot in Life
You never know whom you will meet out there in the world. Turn off the television and cell phones and enjoy living. Join a club with people that interact with one another. It is not a violation to want to blend in and chat. Flirting makes the world go around. Maybe a Bigfoot conference is where you will meet the right someone to compliment your life.

A good long courtship - will often cure many difficulties or ills of the sexual organs. O. S. Fowler says, "see each other often spend many pleasant hours together," have many walks and talks, think of each other while absent, write many love letters, be inspired to many love feelings and acts towards each other, and exercise your sexuality in a thousand forms ten thousand times, every one of which tones up and thereby recuperates this very element now dilapidated. When you have courted long enough to marry, you will be sufficiently restored and improved from it.

Space is made in Hollywood - A zany former scientist claims rocketry is science fiction. "It’s like how the Red Hot Chili Peppers song says, that space is made in a Hollywood basement," pleads Glen Johnson, who went to a California college.
Johnson flunked out of school because teachers refused to be fair when grading his written reports. He was an astrology and engineering student. They (the teachers) did not like a punk like him levitating the theory of gravity.
"A lot of folks in the world do not believe in the moon landings," Johnson adds. His friends agree with his wacky beliefs. They were interviewed outside a shopping center panhandling money and collecting cans.

The Solar System - The Solar System, of which the earth is a part, consists of eight planets and the sun, so far as has been discovered.

Astronomers have located 465 asteroids, which are small bodies floating in space and with apparently established orbits. From time to time, astronomers claim to have discovered a new planet, but its existence is not as yet accepted. In 1992 Pluto was demoted from planet status due in part to its small size.

About Baking Bread
It is difficult to give rules for making bread; it depends so much on judgment and experience.

In summer, bread should be mixed with cold water; during a chilly, damp spell, the water should be slightly warm; in severe cold weather, it should be mixed quite warm, and set in a warm place during the night. If your yeast is new and lively, a small quantity will make the bread rise, if it be old and heavy, it will take more. In these things I believe wisdom must be gained by a few mistakes. ●

Old Boozers & Smokers

Now and then we hear how some old folks live long and prosper despite bad habits. Someone you know may come to mind. Betty Jones knows of such a person.
"Aunt Agatha kicked the bucket at 90 years old," recalls Ms. Jones. "Agatha guzzled nightcaps (drank booze) and smoked like a chimney most of her life," said Betty.
"Hagatha smoked Pall Malls, those strong unfiltered cigarettes. In my memory, I can still see the blue smoke and smell the tobacco," she added.
Beer, hard cider, liquor, mixed drinks, spirits and wine are among the nightcaps that people enjoy. For social reasons, many like to drink in the company of friends while others prefer to drink alone by themselves.
Lucky Strikes and Camels cigarettes were smoked more than Pall Malls. Of note, in the good old days, one saw the ads on billboards, radio, TV and in print media. ▪

Hawaii Shipping - Honolulu, on the island of Oahu, is the capital and commercial center, and foreign steamships and sailing-craft are scarcely ever absent from its harbor. Regular shipping service connects this port with San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, B.C., and the principal ports of Asia. It is connected with the other islands by an inter-island transit system. The city has great schools, business organizations, hotels, and streets. ▰

How About Halibut?
The Halibut is the largest of the flat-fishes, specimens of as much as 20 feet in length being on record, while examples of from 6 to 7 feet long are not uncommon in fish markets.

This fish has a wide distribution, occurring on both sides of the North Atlantic and North Pacific, being most abundant in deep water. Many of the halibut that are in USA fish markets are caught off of Iceland.

About Microscopes - The first microscope is said to have been invented by a Dutchman in 1590, but its invention has been largely attributed to Galileo in 1610. The microscope has been perfected until a millionth part of a grain of blood may be detected by means of the spectrum lens. ▪

More About Wills
While it seems that every one has a right to dispose of his/her property as they so choose, a will is not likely to stand in law if it can be proven the maker of it was under undue or unfair influence, and, therefore, distributed the property to the prejudice of those who would be entitled to it if no will was made. It is important to write a will. Please consult an attorney to draft one.

Female Beauty
Men love beautiful women, for woman's beauty is the highest type of all beauty. A handsome woman needs no diamonds, no silks or satins; her brilliant face outshines diamonds and her form is beautiful in calico. Man's love of female beauty surpasses all other love, and whatever artificial means are used to beautify, to a certain extent are falsehoods which lead to distrust or dislike. Artificial beauty is always an imitation, and never can come into competition with the genuine. No art can successfully imitate nature. Let our nature seek beauty. ▪

Female Flirtation - The young man who loves a young woman has paid her the highest compliment in the possession of man. A smart woman will know about letting others down in a gentle manner. Adding insult to an unwelcome flirtation is inelegant. Perpetrate almost any sin, inflict any other torture, but spare him the agony of disappointment. It is a crime that can never be forgiven, and a debt that never can be paid.

Properly Train Children
Training without proper judgment and knowledge is ill advised. Give your children a good example, and never tell a child to do something and then become indifferent as to whether they do it or not.

A child should never be told twice to do the same thing. Teach the child in childhood obedience and never vary from that rule. Do it kindly but firmly. Teach your children well. ▰

Corn for Animals
In the USA the greater part of the corn crop is consumed where it is grown, being used to fatten swine and cattle.

The market value of a pound of corn is extended greatly by feeding the corn to livestock. A farmer can turn an excess product into one for which there is a steady demand. Although corn is not as essential a staple as wheat, it has a wider range of usefulness.

Go Outside and Play
Give your young people plenty of amusement outdoors, way less of computer screens, and more of croquet, dancing, hiking, and lawn tennis. Stimulate the methods of pure thoughts in innocent amusement, and your daughters and sons will mature to adulthood pure and chaste in character. Wise parents will consider year-round daycare centers outdoors, where mother nature becomes a playground. Acclimate the kids to cold weather and they will happily play in cold winter snow all day. ●

Puerto Rico - Formerly a Spanish colony, it is now a possession of the USA. The island is about the size of Connecticut. The industries are almost wholly agricultural, and nearly the whole surface is under cultivation. Sugar, coffee, and tobacco are grown for export, and these comprise the chief source of income. The coffee-crop is one of the most valuable products and gets a high price because of its better quality. ●

The Heart Rules in Life
Although genius always commands admiration, character most secures respect. The former is more the result of the brain’s power, the latter of heart power; and in the long run it is the heart that rules in life.

Men of genius stand to society in the relation of its intellect as men of character of its conscience: and while the former are admired, the latter are followed. Follow your heart more closely. ●

About Brazil - Brazil is the largest of the countries of South America and is level and fertile, producing tobacco, sugar, indigo, coffee, and pepper. Diamonds are found here. In the interior, vast herds of wild cattle abound. They are hunted for their hides, which form one of the chief export articles of the country. ◆

Home Makes a Person
It is commonly said, "manners make the person;" and another, that "mind makes the person;" but truer than either, is a third that says "home makes the person." For home training includes not only manners and mind, it adds character. It is at home that the heart opens, habits are formed, an intellect is awakened, and character molded for good or for evil.

Dance Introductions At a very large, formal ball or dance, it is very good form to ask permission of a lady before presenting a gentleman to her. It is certainly the safest and most satisfactory way, and reflects good taste and courtesy both on the part of the gentleman who wishes to be introduced and the fine gentleman who is the medium of introduction.

Modern Astronomy

Modern astronomy began a little more than three centuries ago with the invention of the telescope and Galileo's application of it to study the heavenly bodies.

This instrument at once revealed to him the mountains on the moon, the satellites of Jupiter, and the spots on the sun, and brought the celestial bodies under observation in a way never before done. In our view today, the planets of the solar system are quite unknown worlds. ■

About Wool - The wool of commerce is mostly applied to the fleece of the common sheep. There is no hard and fast distinction between hair and wool, but generally wool fibers have rough edges and hair has a hard, smooth surface.

If a mass of loose wool is spread out and beaten, or pressed between rollers, the fibers interlock closely that a thick, strong cloth called felt is made without spinning or weaving.

Lost Music Found
Nuns in a convent in Venice, Italy found lost music. Works of Tomaso Albinoni from 1725 were found. It was believed his works were lost in a fire. "The works sound dark and disturbing," a scholar said who saw the music transcripts. Organists from all over the world are anxious to blast out the long lost tunes on big church pipe organs. German music publishers are said to be in talks with the nuns for the music. "Our convent could use the money," said Sister Theresa Petrocelli. 𝄞

Readers Are Sexier

Cultivate personal attraction. This means the storing of your mind with knowledge of current events, and with a good idea of the world's progress or lack of it. If you read nothing, zip, zero, and make no effort to make yourself attractive, you will soon sink down into a dull hack of stupidity.

If your partner never hears from you any words of wisdom, or of common information, he or she will soon hear nothing from you. Dress and gossips soon wear out. If your memory is weak, so that it seems not worth the effort to read, that is more reason for reading. Reading is a fundamental need. Expand your thoughts with great topics and ignore mindless drivel like found where you now look! ■

Words of Wisdom
Say nothing unpleasant when it can be avoided. Avoid satire and sarcasm. Never repeat a word that was not intended for repetition. Cultivate the supreme wisdom, which consists less in saying what ought to be said than in not saying what ought not to be said.
Often cultivate "flashes of silence." It is the larger half of the conversation to listen well. Listen to others patiently, especially the poor. Hear with the ears. ▪

Dress Affects Our Manners
A man who is badly dressed, feels chilly, sweaty, and prickly. He stammers, and does not always tell the truth. He means to, perhaps, but he cannot. He is half distracted about his pantaloons, which are much to short, and are constantly hitching up; or his frayed jacket and crumpled linen harrow his soul, and quite unman him. He treads on the train of a lady's dress, and says, "Thank you", sits down on his hat, and wishes the "desert were his dwelling place." ▪

Know Your Numbers
Did you know there is your own personal number? It is a number that influences you and your actions more than any other. If you know your number, think how you can use it for good and avoid others for ill. The finding of your number is a simple matter when you have mastered the elements of numerology, which is the science of numbers. Play the numbers game. ▴

Look ahead, not behind.

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