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GREATEST NEWSPAPER ONCE

 
Computer Chip Fossil Found

A polymer resin and ceramic artifact was recently found in Peru.   Scientists confirm that it is a fossilized computer flash-type memory chip.   It is from an early Inca Native South American archeology site.   Read More - Computer Chip Fossil

 Carbon dating proves an alien craft crashed 550 years ago at the site. The chip survived a kind of a plasma-photon blast. The chip and a few fragments were the only things found out of the big bang that blasted the craft to shreds.

Over Machu Picchu
Andes Mountains - Inca Artifacts Find

 Japanese investors bought the artifact from an anthropologist after reading about the outlandish claims in the Asia Inquisition, a trashy tabloid newspaper. Studies show the chip works.

 The government confirms a patent was granted for a combined type of flash processor and room temperature memory chip (RTM chip), capable of 995 trillion transactions per millisecond (TIPS). It stores all the data you want to keep and it can store human memories.

 News of the patent shot tech stocks to all-time highs. The chip is low cost to make and can power at-home supercomputers for everyone. It can replace your brain. The possibilities are endless. The new RTM chip will retail for $69.95.

Consumers will love its capacity and speed. "The RTM chip renders all computers and programs to date as obsolete," Japanese guys scoffed. Technology seems to move quickly, but this shatters all records of advancement.

 "It’s really cool. I will be able to run 90,000 processes at once. I will get lots done," explained Joe, a happy 25 year old tech geek. "I already have two CRTs (computer screens) for my left eye, and two CRTs for my right… Now, I’ll have a supreme machine to hack into trash."

 Politicians threaten Japan with huge tariffs if its new chips unfairly take unfair and obscene advantage of all the tech markets. Opponents fear Japan will spy and put secret back doors into the chips.

 The alien and Inca connection is the last thing to report on in the frenzy to build new apps with the chip. "I marvel at how the alien connection has not even bugged people one iota," says a paranormal researcher at Lupine University.

 History buffs point out how Incas were the first to have the alien memory chip and it should be returned to them. The investor is said to be willing to share its profits with Peru’s indigenous tribes.   ▰   Click to Close

 
Cannabis Usage Skyrockets

Cannabis use in Oregon is on the rise say experts at the Fads Addiction Counseling Treatment Service ("FACTS").   Higher statistics began in 1973, when Oregon eased criminal penalties. See More - Skyrockets

Government leaders took bribes from liberated hippies to change things big time, say pundits.   Formerly known as marijuana, cannabis was also commonly referred to as "pot," and it was sold in "lids," that being, about an ounce.

Folks disagree on how the old words (pot and lids) for cannabis came to exist.   The big stink and noise about the best slang names for cannabis types (indica & sativa), and whether you buy it in grams, ounces, or "lids" is a matter of fad and preference.

Hippie bug! (1043753793)
Hippies often drove Volkswagens.

"I think it was because folks cooked it a lot.   They needed pot and lids," said Darius Tosh, a part-time chef.   "It makes the most sense to me," he added. Meanwhile, debate continues on a name for pot that sticks.

Statistics from the 1970s show that people smoked way less cannabis than currently.   Back then folks often smoked when looking forward to a little afternoon delight (conjugal relations).  FACTS monitors consumption purposes.

It (FACTS) releases a yearly report April 20th and recent trends show how more folks now use cannabis alone (and not for conjugal relations).   Statistics on the high lonely number is one solo skyrocket in flight.   ●   Click to Close

Do your best.. to keep your wits.

Mad English Cows

Cow bites are on the increase.   A United Kingdom (England) report shows that cows are more aggressive. Underway is a study of the effects of cramped living quarters on the living.
See More - Mad Cows

  Unrest is rising among animals on farms. Factory farmers tell veterinarians that cows get violent. One dairymaid (worker) reveals that in alarming frequency, the cows kick and step on dairymaids.

  "Cattle were once nice," says Tillie Hale of Oxshire, a town near London. "It is changing. I don't grasp how! Now, brown cows, especially the Swiss Brown dairy cows bite," she explains.

  Animals experience and react to stress. To boost milk production, 100 cows were added to the warehouse farm where she works. Officials deny a link between more milk and mad cows.

  As city dwellers that live in "cage" apartments seek green space and room to stretch, they expect next, the best treatment for farm critters. Country living with happy cows and free-range chickens is popular again.   ▪   Click to Close

 






















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  • See how things go like they do.
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